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From the box:

Jesus called and said you suk

Like I said, survaleance cameras go in next Monday.

Exciting Is — I Mean, Excitment Is A Foot!

Feel the enthusiastic enthusiasm

I came back from the Republican National Convention with a suitcase full of enthusiasm for our ticket of John McCain and Sarah Palin, and today I shared the contents of my mental suitcase with our staff here at BloHoleCo! Like me, they are behind these candidates 800% and could not support more the Republican platform of Americanness, including low taxes, war and telling women what to do with their bodies. I left this meeting just lit up with excitement, and we all shared each other’s energy. Bring it on November!

You all have a great day!

Back to Important Business Matters

We lern from our mistakes

I am pleased to tell you that we are taking positive, pro-active measures to deal with the “infractions” turned up in our recent SEC investigation.

The board and I have been in an executive retreat/golf tournament to discuss these matters, and here are our new rules:

* Beginning immediately we are stepping up our contributions to influential judges, attorneys and legislators.

* We will be conducting rigorous background screenings on all potential prostitutes and/or female escorts.

* We will be training our executive committee extensively on the history and use of the fifth amendment.

* We will immediately begin negotiating penalties with the SEC that will NOT impact executive committee’s 2007 bonuses.

These are bold steps forward and I, for one, feel better than ever about the future of BloHoleCo!

You all have a great day!

I’m Back From the Convention

My personal salute to John McCain was on TV

I tell you what — I’m back from the Republican National Convention and what a time we had! I’m still trying to decide what was my favorite part — watching Sarah Palin make fun of Barach Obama, Rudolph Jewlyani make fun of Barach Obama or Mitt Romney make fun of Barach Obama. With positive ideas like ours, theyre’s no way we can lose!

You all have a great day!

One More Thing …

I had to wait three hours in line for this!

Here’s a photo of me and the only black delegate at the convention. Woo!

Making the Rounds at the RNC

There sure are a lot of blonde, white people here!

There are a lot of great people here at the Republican National Convention! The other night Sally and I were the guests of J. Pierpont Podman and his lovely family. He is the author of “Foreign Policy Successes of the Bush Administration,” which sounds like a book I would like to read, because it’s only 30 pages long, with big print and lots of pictures — I mean illustrations.

Look for me on the radio!

Also, I took a moment to speak with internationally known conservative talk show host Conrad Guano, host of “The Guano Report,” which is the most popular conservative talk show among embittered shut-ins in several different areas.

I was so busy there wasn’t any time to mock the poor!

Nah, just kidding.

You all have a great day!

Not to Brag, But …

Me at the 2004 convention. I said a lot of the same things this year because I reached into my suit pocket and took out the wrong notes.

Here at the Republican National Convention our motto is “We don’t care if there are empty seats and the crowds are bored!” I am proud to tell you that I have spoken on several panels, including “Hell, Abolish ALL Taxes on the Rich,” “Republicans Are NOT Out of Touch — Just Ask Our Gardeners!” and “Why Jesus Looked Like a Hippie: Life Before Haircuts.” I was also going to speak at the “Why Barack Obama Is Inexperienced” panel, but that one was abruptly cancelled after John McCain chose Sarah Palin.

You all have a great day!

Home Run!

Sarah's Good Enough for Us!

I tell you what — as an upright, ethical, honorable, proud family values Republican I can’t wait for that moment tonight when America sees Sarah Palin’s pregnant teenage daughter and her boyfriend!

Those in the media might want you to think that Sarah Palin is a right-wing “kook” just because she opposes abortion, stem cell research and any measure that helps the environment, but we here at the Republican National Convention know the truth, and it’s this — leave her pregnant daughter alone!

You all have a great day!

It’s a Grand (Palin) Old (McCain) Partay!

Stuffed with pride!

Greetings from Minnesota, hope of a bunch of happy Republicans! My wife Sally and I are here as proud delegrates to watch John McCain and Sarah Palin get crowned as our proud nominatrixes for high office!

People here are still so thrilled about Sarah Palin being our VP nominee that they can’t see straight! Apparently there’s some negative talk about her pregnant teenage daughter, her support for that “Bridge to Nowhere” that cost a zillion dollars and for that time she supported the group that wanted Alaska to drop out of the United States but aside from that there’s clear sailing ahead, and lots of cuddly elephants!

Our state had its delegate meeting yesterday at a gentleman’s lounge near our hotel, and we could not be more united to getting behind our ticket!

You all have a great day!